My identity started taking shape in Gomathy School Nellore when I was in 9th standard. I am very grateful for Gomathy school, its director, teachers and my friends for facilitating freedom of thought, which eventually helped me along my journey to be my authentic self. Gomathy school had a very resourceful library, where I picked up books like "A brief history of time" by Stephen Hawking and "Fundamentals of Physics" by Halliday, Resnick and Walker out of plain curiosity. It opened my mind about the scale of the universe, filled me with wonder and a lot of questions. I think I lost my respect for the physics instructor when he said he had never heard of dark matter. I was the topper of the school with 549 marks in 10th, and the topper of intermediate with 959 marks. I later ended up at VIT University, Vellore with an all India rank of 302, and the journey there is a story for another day.
I really wanted to dig deeper into the realm of physics, especially quantum theory. I wanted to gain an understanding of how universe works. While I could not make it part of my formal education and career, I continue to keep my curiosity alive. Over the years, especially after my dad's demise in 2013, I spent more time understanding my inner universe which, I think, is equally or actually more interesting than learning about quantum physics. Perhaps they both are connected, but when I get lost in the sea of questions about how universe works, one teaching from "Old Path White Clouds" book still keeps me on the right track - The monk Malunkyaputta grew frustrated because the Buddha refused to answer difficult metaphysical questions, such as whether the universe is infinite or finite. Malunkyaputta threatened to leave the monastic community if he did not get answers. The Buddha compared Malunkyaputta to a person shot with a poisoned arrow who refuses to let a doctor remove the arrow until he finds out who shot it, what his caste was, what kind of bow was used, and where the feathers came from. The Buddha noted that such a person would die of the poison long before receiving any answers.
I learned not to get caught up in the details. I know my time is finite and the time of my loved ones is finite. I will continue to spend my time and efforts on things that make sense to me and matter to me.
I was at the University of Zurich earlier today, with Einstein's PhD degree awarded to him in 1906.